Unity of ideals is the most important requisite.
Not necessarily unity of interests or tastes, but a sharing of those ultimate standards, such as integrity, loyalty, tolerance, sympathy, which give tone to the whole of life. In other words, a deep and healthy friendship may often be a better basis for marriage than an almost uncontrollable attraction.
It is not necessary that a man and woman should experience tickling sensations in the spine every time they see each other. In other words, being "in love" in the romantic sense, though it is a delightful experience which comes at least once to most people, is no sound guide to a happy christian marriage, especially if other more important factors are absent.
A common-sense knowledge of the obligations of the marriage partnership on every level-physical, social, financial, mental, and spiritual, is obviously useful.
Hasty marriages are usually foolhardy, and engagements of long duration are undesirable. "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick." Strong family influence on either side is often disastrous. Better move to California with your wife than have the wrong sort of mother-in-law or father-in-law living in the next block.
It boils down to this: that two people, a man and a woman, are to be one in Christ. If His Spirit has ruled them in their courtship, demanding modesty, restraint, mutual respect, and unselfishness, then they can seek His blessing at His altar with confidence that the future holds for them a growing experience of sanctified love, a love that because it is first spiritual, makes all things new.
UNSELFISH LOVE
Christian Singles
AGAIN, let me stress the fact that we are discussing the union of two Christian believers, who join their lives in Christ, for better, for worse, in the hope that by God's grace their united lives will serve God better than either could have done singly.
Marriage, then, is a partnership, and as in most partnerships, there is a senior partner who rightly wields a balance of prestige, if not of power. Normally, the man is the head of the family, and in return for his responsibility as breadwinner, is entitled to make certain basic decisions, such as where the family should live.
But marriage is not intended to be a mutual admiration society. Any marriage, to be fruitful, must look beyond the mere happiness of the two parties. Normally, this means the birth of children; and indeed, the establishment of a Christian family is the primary purpose of Christian marriage. It is a perilous and probably wrong thing to postpone the birth of the first child for any reason short of grave ill health. Deliberately childless marriages are statistically proved to be liable to failure. If a thoroughly unchristian economic system forces a couple to delay the appearance of further children by continence or by use of natural periods of sterility it is still an evil, though sometimes a necessary one. Large families, closely spaced, alone form the ideal environment for healthy childhood--to mention only one consideration.
If, however, children do not appear, through no fault of the husband and wife, then they must endeavor to share in some unselfish interest. Church work, charity work, or perhaps an adopted child or two are useful outlets to prevent a purely selfish absorption in each other.
Finally, here are ten tips for a successful christian marriage:
1. Don't ride hobbies which distress the other person.
2. Try to settle any misunderstanding before you go to sleep.
3. Never humiliate each other by open criticism in front of others.
4. Never think that marriage is an excuse for sloppiness about your personal appearance, or for discourtesy.
5. Invite confidences by your own attitude of trust, but never force them.
6. Respect each other's privacy. There are times when the most devoted husband or wife needs to be alone.
7. Always live together as if you were sure of celebrating your fiftieth anniversary with thanksgiving.
8. Speak the truth to each other in love about annoying mannerisms, and correct them as far as possible.
9. Generous praise, not flattery, of each other is a great tonic.
10. Share the great things of life-worship, loyalties, joys, sorrows, ideals, enthusiasms. Share them as far as possible in Christ, and the lesser things will take care of themselves.
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